Over the past 35 years, the length of a regular-season
baseball game has increased by 30 minutes.
This is mainly because batters spend way too much time “adjusting things”
when in the batter’s box, managers make way too many pitching changes (one of my
pet-peeves), and pitchers sometimes make way too many throws to first base
whether the baserunner has ever stolen a base in his life or not. Major League Baseball is aware of fans’ short
attention spans and is proposing all sorts of wacky ways to shorten the game,
and you know me, I just have to put my two cents into this discussion.
One thing MLB is proposing is to start the tenth inning of a
game with a runner already on second base.
Seriously? I have sat through
many an extra-inning game, and while they can be frustrating because you have
no idea how many total innings it will go, starting extra innings with a guy on
second is idiotic. Do you put the guy
who was supposed to bat next? What if he
was going to hit a home run? You just
ruined it by putting him on base instead of giving him a chance to hit. It’s like starting an overtime in football by
automatically putting the ball on the 20-yard line. Plus don’t you have to play the bottom of the
inning anyway? Just dumb!
Another suggestion was to make the game only 7 innings
instead of nine. Really??? Aren’t these guys making MILLIONS of dollars
to play a full game? Do they have to
stop selling beer after the fifth inning?
And w ill a beer at Nationals Park cost $15 because there will be less beers sold due to games ending faster? Are they going to have the “Fifth Inning Stretch?” This one has definitely not been thought out
very well.
Here’s one that is actually being implemented this year,
since it was approved by the Players Union:
Instead of throwing four pitches way off the strike zone to a batter who
is being intentionally walked, managers can now tell the home plate umpire that he
wishes to intentionally walk the batter, and the batter can just walk to first
base without facing any pitches. Now you
all know how much I DESPISE the intentional walk – I may have mentioned that a
time or two before – but I have seen many occasions where a pitcher is trying
to intentionally walk a batter, the pitch gets away from the catcher, and a baserunner
is able to advance. Just letting the
runner go to first base without seeing a single pitch affects pitch counts and
really only speeds up the game by a few seconds. Last year there was one intentional walk
every two-and-a-half games. So if you’re
expecting this new rule to make a big difference. Don’t hold your breath.
So what can be done to make the game a little shorter (the
current length doesn’t bother me, but most people aren’t as “baseball nerdy” as
me)? I thought you'd never ask! Here are some bullet points to
consider:
·
Stop letting players step out of the batter’s
box after every pitch. You had time to
stretch while on the on-deck circle – once you step up to bat, quit
dilly-dallying. Hank Aaron agrees with
me – he says players spend way too much time adjusting their batting gloves
and helmets and making all sorts of unnecessary movements.
And if Hank says it’s unnecessary, I believe it. He's like John McCain talking about waterboarding - the guy knows his stuff!
·
Don’t let catchers have meetings on the
mound. If a pitcher is stressed out, he
needs to learn how to calm himself down; he doesn’t need a catcher to say “There,
there, my friend – it’s going to be OK!”
Again, these guys are millionaires – they don’t need to be babied. And if you have your signals mixed up because
there’s a runner on second base and you forgot what the signs were in that situation, then you’re
an idiot.
·
Get rid of instant replay, or at least have an
extra umpire in each park who can check the replay way faster than the dudes
who sit in an air-conditioned office in New York. And
don’t allow managers to stall while his coaches are viewing the replay to see
if the manager should challenge or not.
Pitchers are being instructed to stall so the managers can have time to
decide whether to challenge a call or not, and this is just silly. Baseball players and managers are terrible
actors.
·
Stop putting in a pitcher to pitch to one
guy. The whole “lefty lefty matchup” or “righty
throwing to lefty” thing is something I have never understood. Yes, you’re now getting into the strategy of
the game, but if the starting pitcher was able to pitch to both righties and
lefties, why all of a sudden does a reliever have to be put in to face one
particular batter? It infuriates me when
a pitcher is credited with a win when he only pitched to one guy. It’s one thing if a reliever is struggling;
but using seven “specialist” pitchers in one game just so they can pitch to one
or two guys at a time is ridiculous.
So there you go, Commissioner
Manfred – this is one of the reasons I wanted your job before you took it from
me. Let’s see how this “intentional walk”
thing goes this season – surely I will have some insightful opinions about the
matter. In the meantime, we have a
couple of things to look forward to before Opening Day: Former Red Sox/Cubs catcher David Ross
participating in “Dancing With the Stars,” and the World Baseball Classic, where
I turn into a lunatic fan rooting for my Puerto Rico team. We have Javier Baez, Carlos Correa, Carlos
Beltrán, and Francisco Lindor – watch out Dominican Republic; we’re going after
you!
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